The Silence
Posted on Sunday 3 March 2019 @ 09:43 by Lieutenant Colonel Kachiko Bayushi
Mission:
The New Collective
Location: O'Hara's quarters
Timeline: After "Chicken Soup" And "Pity Party"
2778 words - 5.6 OF Standard Post Measure
Stephanie sat alone on her bed in her quarters, tears ran down her face as she stared at the phaser she had liberated from a nearby weapons locker. She didn't know what else to do. She had been trying to ignore it, but it was always there... gnawing at the corners of her mind. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't to blame for what happened. She knew that was a lie. The harder she tried to pretend like a problem didn't exist, the more it ate at her. She couldn't handle it any longer.
The official repercussions hadn't even been handed down the pipe yet. As she sat there, staring at the phaser, they somehow seemed very far away indeed.
She was no longer the Executive Officer of the Merlin, yet Kachiko felt responsible for Stephanie O'Hara. Not to mention what the entity had told her when she encountered it in the redhead's pretty head.
She paused at the hatch of the Engineer's quarters, wondering if she should check in on the lass, but figured that she would be asleep at this hour. About to continue on her way, her senses were nearly overwhelmed by a sense of grief and utter desperation. The potent telepath recognized Stephanie's mind and chose to peek, briefly touching on her mind. The raw emotion was suffocating, but Kachiko pushed on, choosing to access the woman's senses. Through Stephanie's eyes, she saw the business end of a phaser, pointing it at herself.
"Computer, disable phaser located in Lieutenant O'Hara's quarters, authorization Bayushi foxtrot tango three delta six one niner."
'Phaser disabled.'
"Open hatch to Lieutenant O'Hara's quarters," Kachiko commanded.
As the hatch slid open, Kachiko was already moving through. Her eyes immediately fell upon the teary-eyed woman, "Stephanie."
The room smelled heavily of whiskey. When Stephanie spoke, there was an obvious slur. "Get out!" Stephanie screamed and threw the nearest object to hand, which happened to be a pillow.
Without even flinching, the small white-haired woman snatched the pillow out of the air in one hand while not breaking eye contact with O'Hara.
"Sweetheart, put the phaser down," Kachiko said in a gentle tone. While she was horrified at the prospect of the woman killing herself, she understood better than most. It was a dark place Kachiko had been to, before. Moving closer, slowly to keep from spooking her, "Stephanie, look at me, darling. I know what you are feeling. I have been in similar straits. You don't want to do anything like that."
"Whadda ya know?" Stephanie slurred. With the combination of her thick accent, the sobbing and the drink, she was near incomprehensible. "I can' live with what I've done," Stephanie sobbed at her. "Every day f'r the rest o' m' life, I'll have it on my head..."
"Do you remember when it was in your head?" Kachiko asked quietly, standing in front of the much taller woman. "Do you remember when I finally found my way past the static it was using to keep me out?"
"It told me that you have feelings for me?" Kachiko looked up with soft eyes. "You should have told me. I... I have been standoffish since my wife died, but I have always thought you were very attractive. I wanted to be there to help you when you needed it, but it seemed like you just weren't interested."
Not giving the russet-haired beauty an opportunity to respond, the short Marine closed the short distance between them, arms slipping behind Stephanie's head, drawing the woman's head to Kachiko's smaller bosom. Holding her there, "Stephanie, I do like you. I do not want you punished or hurt. I want you safe and healthy... and maybe I just... want you. I need you, Stephanie, to stop and listen. You matter. To me, you have filled my thoughts for the last several days, like no one has before."
Stephanie allowed herself to sag against Kachiko for a moment. She sobbed into the woman's shoulder. She forgot that she was supposed to have an image. She forgot that she was supposed to be a tough, strong, independent woman. She forgot everything except the pair of arms that was holding her. For a few brief seconds those arms were the boundaries of her universe.
It didn't last. Snapping back to herself and her terrible purpose, she pushed Kachiko off and straightened up, wiping her eyes. "Good talk. Now, if ya don' mind, I've things t' do. Get out." She bent down for the phaser.
"Negative, Ghost Rider," Kachiko quoted from a late Twentieth Century film. "Don't bother with the phaser. It's already been disabled, hon."
"Please, Stephanie," Kachiko continued in a plaintive voice. "You are dominating my thoughts recently. Especially since I learned that you have a thing for me. I need you to settle and let me help you through this."
"What do I know?" Kachiko ruminated aloud. "When I was at the Academy, my parents were coming to see me. Reports came that their shuttle had been destroyed with all hands. I blamed myself and tried to throw myself from a tenth story landing but was stopped by an Academy staffer."
"Stop blaming yourself, love," Kachiko moved back to embrace Stephanie. "You did not kill anyone. We are alright. You are alright. If you need to talk or help, I can be here for you."
Stephanie stopped going for the phaser, but instead stood up and threw up her arms. She was on the edge of hysteria. "This actually was my fault. If I hadn't gone off mission, this wouldn've happened."
She stalked off shakily into the next room and came back with a green bottle. Before she continued, she yanked the cork free with her teeth and unceremoniously spat it on the floor. She pulled deeply from the bottle. "Yeah, no one died this time. THIS TIME! What about next time? Because we know there's gonna be a next time. We all know that as smart as I am, I 'm a feckin' idiot. I don' learn fr'm my mistakes. Somewhere along th' way I got it inta m' head that I was untouchable. So how long's it gonna be before this happens again? How long until we're all na so lucky? What if th' next time I hurt you?"
She stopped and pulled from the bottle again. "It's better f'r ya t' just stop thinkin' 'bout me. People who care about me always get hurt. M' parents... Liam," She stopped as her voice caught in her thoat. "Sarah." She finally choked out.
"I don' wan' t' be that burden t' anyone. I don' wan' that f'r you. One way 'r 'nother, I'll na be here too much longer. I imagine they're already blowin' th' brass f'r my court martial. This is easier. I don' have t' live with myself any more. I don' know how I never never noticed before, but I'm a right cunt. If I don' wanna live with me, y'all don' either. Before we started this bullshite I told you that my ego wasn' fragile enough t' require a human sacrifice. It almost had a thousand. And what happens next time...? I don' deserve t' exist. No one else need suffer 'cuz o' me."
Her drunken ramblings subsided and she collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor. She didn't know what else to do, she looked up at the ceiling, It was a habit she had when she was talking to the computer. "Computer, playlist Stephanie Sierra Alpha Delta, shuffle, twenty percent volume." The music began to play and with tears in her eyes, and her voice shaking, she began to sing along.
"Let her cry, let the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go. let her walk right out on me.
And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be."
After the Irish woman's song concluded, Kachiko decided that she needed to step it up a notch. She paused briefly in front of the beautiful redhead, hands slowly reaching up to run her fingers through those vibrant locks, before she deftly and gingerly slipped into the woman's lap, facing her. Her hands slid down from Stephanie's scalp to gently cup her face, drawing it down as she pushed herself up, pale lips meeting whiskey tinged. It was beyond the time to talk, this would require action on Kachiko's part.
Stephanie's addled brain took a second to understand what was going on. When it clicked into place, she didn't resist... At least not initially. For a moment, she allowed herself to be swept up by this. It was after all something she had thought about... A lot. Then all at once, her brain slammed back into gear. She twisted to dump the smaller woman out of her lap and scrambled back against the wall, using it mostly support her sagging frame. "Wha'... jus' happened?" She was asking because she wasn't really sure. The voice that came out wasn't the hardened Engineer who presented herself as a ball of hate in a gold uniform. It was the sound of a scared little girl who's universe was expanding far too rapidly for her to keep up with. "Did we jus'...?" She trailed off and put her index and middle finger to trace the curve of her lips. She stared at Kachiko, eyes still wide.
"We did indeed and I would again," Kachiko smiled as she drew closer to the confused Engineer. "I'm not accustomed to taking that first step, but it felt like the right time."
"Stephanie, darling, you are a good woman and a great Engineer. With time and patience, you'll be a great officer, too," Kachiko spoke as she allowed herself to slide down that same wall, until she was on the floor next to Stephanie. "I think that you would be a good girlfriend, too. After the last couple of days, since learned of your interest in me, I haven't been able to think of anything else but you. I came to realize that you like me and I very much return that sentiment."
"You needn't worry about me being demanding or controlling, as a more senior Officer. I leave all of that on duty. In my private life, sweetie, I'm very..." the little woman paused a long moment. "Sorry, I had to decide on the right term. I am very much submissive when it comes to relationships."
"So maybe relax a bit and think about exploring where we could go together?" Kachiko offered, quieting down to give the pretty redhead an opportunity to contribute to the discussion.
Stephanie looked terrified. "Ya need t' leave now. Ya need t' go far away an' forget about whatever ya feel f'r me.. Walk away while you still can, because I know where I'm going... T' jail. An' if ya stay in my orbit, it'll only be a matter o' time before ye're th' next victim or my curse. I don' know what he told you, but I know he lied t' ya, Kachiko. It's what he does. He got in yer head an' th' both o' us are still dancin' t' his tune." She had, for the moment, forgotten the smaller woman was a telepath, and would know she was lying. She desperately wanted Kachiko to go. The terror displayed on her face was actually genuine. Her mind raced with what would happen if she allowed this to go any further.
"Darling," Kachiko sighed. This one really stuck on poor Stephanie. "Remember who and what I am. I can take care of myself and if I can, do what I can to keep your lovely butt out of further trouble."
"Whatever it is you end up facing, I would like to face it alongside of you," Kachiko leaned into Stephanie, nudging her arm until she was able to slip under it. "So, I know that it was telling me the truth, hon. Remember, I'm a telepath and really good at discerning truth from fiction. I know that you have been thinking about me and I think about you a lot."
"So let's put a hold on this and see where things go for us?" Kachiko asked."Apollo and I both have a lot of pull back home. I can practically guarantee you that you aren't going to be locked up."
"The Captain might be a lil cross with you, but since when weren't you aggravating your chain of command?" Kachiko nudged the woman lightly.
"An' what about me? What happens t' me?" She stood shakily. "D' people pass me in the hallways an' start edgin' away fr'm me? Am I gonna be th' first place everyone looks when somethin' goes wrong? D'I have a short leash? An ankle bracelet? D' I have t' spend the rest o' my time on this ship as th' one everyone has t' keep an eye on?" With great effort, O'Hara used the wall to help her stand up and she walked over and colapsed in a chair. "An how long does it last? A week? A month? A year? Th' rest o' m' tour? No. I deserve t' get hit by the full weight o' whatever book they're gonna throw at me. I fecked up. Now please, Kachiko," she pleaded. "Just go. Ya took m' phaser, th' least ya c'n do is t' leave me alone wit' m' whiskey an' misery." She picked up the bottle again and held it up to a lamp staring at it as the liquid sloshed around inside. She took a drink and went back to examining it. The intent was to try to make it clear that she had nothing else to say.
"Absolutely not, hon,"Kachiko eyed the other woman." I put my ass on the line to save yours. I apparently disobeyed a direct order in the effort to free you from your former passenger."
" I consider you my responsibility, even if I'm not the Executive Officer anymore," now the Marine sighed. "I also think that I may just love you and I'm willing to sacrifice much for those whom I love."
"Let me love you, Stephanie," Kachiko begged. "I imagine that my little girl will adore you, too."
"What you need is stability, something that you have never had before," Kachiko stood and reaching up, touched Stephanie's lips with her fingertips. "At least let me try to make you happy."
Stephanie turned her back on Kachiko as best she could without rising from the chair and took a long drink from the bottle. She said nothing. Part of her was mad at the Marine for not minding her own business and trying to force O'Hara to face her feelings. Part of her was mad at herself for not being as strong or a smart as she thought she was. Part of her was mad at the being that caused all this. She didn't know who she should be mad at, but she felt it with every fiber of her being... The only two things that she knew for absolute certain as she slugged from the bottle again was that she was drunk and getting drunker.
We can't be, Stephanie thought to herself as a tear rolled down her cheek. I'm going to have to break her heart... But at least she'll be alive to have a broken heart.
So the Engineer sat stubbornly silent, sipping from her bottle.
"You think we're not possible, darling," Kachiko said as she rose from her seat. Moving around front of the fiery Irish lass, she leaned close and gently kissed the other woman's lips. She then playfully pecked the tip of Stephanie's nose as she drew back again.
"Stephanie, hon. You just had major surgery, the alcohol is dangerous right now. I'm going to go back to my quarters, though you're invited if you're willing to take something to sober up," Kachiko smiled faintly."I will come check on you in the morning, doll."
OFF:
LTjg Stephanie O'Hara
Chief Enginneer
USS Merlin
Lieutenant Colonel Bayushi Kachiko
Marine Company Commander, USS Merlin
